Our Safe Space and How to Access It

We all carry a safe space within us ,  calm, composed, and filled with love and kindness. It's often called our "true nature," and it may be the only real constant we have in a world defined by impermanence. But that space frequently gets clouded by irrational thoughts and beliefs, negative emotions, and life experiences ,  all of which quietly limit our potential to grow, and keep us from thriving the way we're capable of.

In counselling and therapy sessions, clients often share stories that reveal how these irrational beliefs first took shape, and what can be done to gently reframe them into a more positive outlook and mindset. Some of the most common irrational beliefs are thoughts like "I am not good enough," "I am not worthy enough," and "I don't believe in myself," to name just a few. These beliefs get hardwired into our minds over time, translate directly into our day-to-day actions, and quietly impact even our biggest decisions.

How does therapy help you find your safe space?

I often ask my clients a series of questions to understand exactly where and how these irrational beliefs were formed in the past. Was it in early childhood, or later in life? How were these beliefs shaped and influenced, and what did the person accept as true about themselves as a child?

Once a client shares these experiences, we work through an exercise called positive reframing, where they learn to reframe old beliefs into healthier, more constructive ones that allow them to grow and achieve more (this draws on CBT and REBT approaches). The other part of the work involves considering the stories we tell ourselves ,  helping clients view the same situation in a different, more positive light (narrative therapy). As we go deeper within ourselves through this process, we access more of our real nature and safe space. Naturally, the time this takes differs for each person, since our experiences and issues are all different.

Sometimes, clients struggle to accept themselves fully because of childhood trauma or difficult past experiences. In those cases, we use an exercise called accepting each part within us, drawn from Internal Family Systems therapy. One of my clients, for example, resisted accepting herself fully during a visualisation exercise where she imagined and spoke to her inner child, practising forgiveness toward herself (inner child therapy). This turned out to be extremely helpful in allowing her to accept herself fully and begin healing old inner wounds and emotional pain. She's now well on her path toward self-recovery and wellbeing.

There can also be deep-seated emotions that keep a person feeling stuck, and these need to be properly understood and managed. The first step is realising how our emotions can actually help us grow ,  something that only happens once we stop resisting them, identify exactly what we're feeling, and understand the specific triggers behind that emotion.

It's only when you fully accept yourself that you gain real access to your safe space. As Carl Rogers famously said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Once you've accessed this safe space, the next question becomes how you nurture it ,  with kindness, love, and compassion.

Without that ongoing care, it remains only a temporary home. Just as you decorate your house with furnishings and objects you love, this inner space is where you feel happiest and safest, and it's the place you can always return to whenever you feel hurt, sad, or overwhelmed by negative emotions. Positive affirmations and regular self-compassion meditations are simple ways to keep nurturing this space over time.

How counselling can help

Counselling and therapy are, at their core, some of the most reliable ways to know yourself and your triggers, and to build deeper insight into your own patterns. Through honest self-reflection with a trained professional, you can genuinely access the safe space within you ,  and once you've learned these tools, they stay with you for life. There really is no looking back once you find that space.